Dear “linksys,” Thanks for letting me mooch off of you. I will have to buy you dinner sometime.

Dear “belkin54g,” Seriously, your router isn’t even connected to the internet that plus your network is pretty boring. Please fix this ASAP.

Dear “Olofson,” Go to hell. I use your internet for 5 minutes and then find that “all the sudden” there’s a password on it. Did my browsing habits offend you? Was my shared music/movie library not enough for your standards? You hurt me, Olofsons, real bad. When your internet goes down for a couple weeks I’ll have to keep this in mind.